I've Got A Secret

I've Got A Secret is the fourteenth episode of the fourth season on Wings, and the 64th episode overall in the series.

Synopsis[]

While Brian, Joe, Lowell, and Fay spend the weekend in Atlantic City gambling and watching the championship boxing match, Helen and Alex have a girls night in at Helen's. When Antonio stops by he joins them for facials and gossip. After he shares that he tried on his sister's wedding dress when he was very young, Alex admitted that she once posed for Playboy Magazine in college. The next day when every knows about Alex's secret, she assumes Antonio told them. However, when she learns it was Helen who betrayed her trust the two have a big fight that has to be mediated by Fay.

Credits[]

Main Cast[]

Guest Cast[]

Farrah Forke as Alex Lambert
Trish Monaco as Aeromass Gal (uncredited)

Quotes[]

Fay Cochran - "So, Lowell, I haven't heard you mention Melissa lately. Are you still dating?"
Lowell Mather - "Oh, yeah. We're really hitting it off."
Fay Cochran - "Gee, I'm kind of surprised to hear that. Considering how religious Melissa's family is I would have thought there might be some small objection to your not being Jewish."
Lowell Mather - "No problemo. Her father said we can continue dating as long as I get a bris. You guys know where I can pick one up?"
Roy Biggins - "Let me guess. You don't know what her father was talking about do you? You don't even know what a bris is."
Lowell Mather - "It's a wheel of cheese, isn't it?"
Fay Cochran - "Didn't he explain that it's a religious ritual?"
Roy Biggins - "Lowell, it's a circumcision."
Lowell Mather - "Wait a minute. Isn't that where they...? Excuse me a minute. I have to make a phone call. I mean, I really like Melissa, but give me a break."

Roy Biggins - "Hey doll, how about I buy you breakfast."
Alex Lambert - "No, thanks. And I'd rather you didn't call me doll."
Roy Biggins - "Don't tell me, your one of those liberal chicks?"
Alex Lambert - "Don't call me chick either."
Roy Biggins - "Have it your way, babe."
Alex Lambert - "I can see I have to lay this out for you. Women are not dolls or chicks or babes. We work, we serve in the military, we can even vote. So in the future if you find is necessary to speak to me it's Alex or ma'am or Miss Lambert. Nothing else. Got it?"
Roy Biggins - "You're not wearing a bra, are ya?"

Brian Hackett - "You know what you're doing? You're trying to find a reason not to go. But I'm telling you, there is no reason. I'm going to prove it to you. Fay, Fay, can you thing of any reason why someone would need to stay here at Sandpiper instead of going off to Atlantic City to watch a championship fight?"
Fay Cochran - "Oh, you two. I'd love to go. You know what a boxing fan I am."
Brian Hackett - "That's great, that's great, but you see..."
Fay Cochran - "Is there a problem?"
Brian Hackett - "No, no, there's not problem. It's just, we want you to know that there's going to be a little more than boxing going on there. Okay, there's going to be gambling, drinking, rude and reprehensible behavior--"
Fay Cochran - "Well, you don't have to convince me, I already said yes."

Helen Chapel - "Wait, Brian, we had plans for this weekend. Martha Stimson's party, remember?"
Brian Hackett - "Was that this weekend?"
Helen Chapel - "Oh, you knew! You been trying to weasel out of it all month. Come on, Brian, if you don't go, I'll have no one to talk to but Martha, her miserable husband, and those whiny kids."
Alex Lambert - "Why do you want to go?"
Helen Chapel - "Oh, she's one of my dearest friends."

Alex Lambert - "This is a really nice place, Helen."
Helen Chapel - "Thank you."
Alex Lambert - "Is this you on the sled?"
Helen Chapel - "Uh-huh."
Alex Lambert - "No offense, but you were kind of porky as a kid. Who is this behind you?"
Helen Chapel - "Also me."

Alex Lambert - "Alright, it was my sophomore year. Playboy came through to do one of their pictorials, you know, "Girls of the Southeast Conference". A couple of girlfriend of mine wanted to go down, so I thought, what the hell, I'll go with them."
Helen Chapel - "You posed naked?"
Alex Lambert - "Well, it was--"
Antonio Scarpacci - "Please, a moment."
[Antonio drinks his entire glass of wine in one swallow]
Helen Chapel - "Antonio, drinking the wine so fast, doesn't that give you a headache?"
Antonio Scarpacci - "Yes, it does. Go ahead."
Alex Lambert - "Well, I figured it was going to be a tasteful little picture in library, you know, wearing shorts and a tank top. Well, I guess I king of got caught up in the spirit of things and the next thing I knew my dad's poker buddies were showing him a picture of me rolling around on the beach wearing nothing but a suntan."
Helen Chapel - "How do you ever get over something like that?"
Antonio Scarpacci - "If I ever do, I'll let you know."

Roy Biggins - "Where is it?"
Brian Hackett - "Where is what?"
Roy Biggins - "My April '86 Playboy. It's missing."
Joe Hackett - "Roy, you were only in there for a few seconds. How could you know that?"
Roy Biggins - "The same way a mother know when her child is sick. You just know."

Alex Lambert - "On an island the size of a postage stamp?! You sneeze, and the guy on the radio says, "Bless you"."

Trivia[]

Lowell reveals that he is uncircumcised.
Antonio mentions that he lost his virginity at age 14. Later, in Escape from New York, he tells Joe that he lost his virginity at age 14 to a 61-year-old woman.
Antonio shares that when his soccer team saw him trying on his sister's wedding dress they teased him with the cruel nickname "Ragazzo con Veste" (Italian meaning "the boy in the dress").
Given that Alex was in her sophomore year of college in the spring of 1986, she would likely have been born around 1967.
This is the only episode where the audience sees inside the upstair restrooms at Tom Nevers Field.
Helen mentions that she worked as a waitress in a strip club. This was seen in the Season Three premiere, The Naked Truth.