Roy Crazy is the twenty-first episode of the fifth season of Wings, and the 93rd episode overall in the series.
Synopsis[]
The unexpected appearance of Roy's ex-wife Sylvia on Nantucket surprises the gang as much as it delights Roy. Roy hopes for a reconciliation, but after a phone call comes into Aeromass saying that she was only doing it to get even with her cheating ex-husband, Brian reluctantly tells Roy. Roy refuses to believe him at first, but eventually skips out on sleeping with his ex. Meanwhile, Helen tries to fend off a smitten and slightly crazy waiter from the crab house.
Credits[]
Main Cast[]
- Tim Daly as Joe Hackett
- Steven Weber as Brian Hackett
- Crystal Bernard as Helen Chapel
- Thomas Haden Church as Lowell Mather
- David Schramm as Roy Biggins
- Rebecca Schull as Fay Cochran
- Tony Shalhoub as Antonio Scarpacci
- Farrah Forke as Alex Lambert
Guest Cast[]
- John Hawkes as Mark the Waiter
- Concetta Tomei as Sylvia Biggins
Quotes[]
- Roy Biggins - "Let's face it: Once you've been with Roy Biggins, you never wanna be with another man."
Antonio Scarpacci - "Sounds about right."
- Mark the Waiter - "I agree with Brian. It's very straaange."
Brian Hackett - "Who are you again?"
Antonio Scarpacci - "Don't you remember? He's Helen's crab boy."
- Helen Chapel - "Joe, you've gotta help me! That kid's been staring at me for hours!"
Joe Hackett - "He's got a crush on you. What do you want me to do?"
Helen Chapel - "Tell him take a hike! Tell him to beat it! Kick his weirdo butt outta here! I would, but I'm too nice."
Joe Hackett - "Helen, I'm not gonna break his heart. Besides, who can blame him? You got the kind of spatulas that drive men wiiiild."
- Brian Hackett - "My God! Look at that woman! That's Roy's ex-wife!"
Alex Lambert - "Hold it! Hold it! Somebody actually married Roy?"
- Fay Cochran - "That's your ex-wife? She's so elegant and refined and attractive and...um..."
Roy Biggins - "And what? Is it so hard to believe she was married to me?"
Alex Lambert - "Yeah! What'd she do, lose a bet?"
- Mark the Waiter - "I'm Mark... your waiter... from the Crab House... I served you... craaaaabs... I just came by to say 'Hi'... so... Hiii..."
- Brian Hackett - "I've seen her house. She's way too classy for Roy. She's got a mansion, a butler. She's got those heart-shaped soaps in her bathroom that a, less-cultured person would've mistaken for little white chocolates."
- Brian Hackett - "What are you so happy about?"
Lowell Mather - "Well that was some guy on the phone telling me that Bunny was coming over to Nantucket to sleep with me, because she caught him in bed with his secretary."
Brian Hackett - "Somebody just called you on Roy's phone... to tell you that Bunny's... coming to sleep with you?"
Lowell Mather - "...Yeah!"
Brian Hackett - "Well did he actually ever mention Bunny's name?"
Lowell Mather - "Well, no but he said my ex-wife. And you know, I mean how many ex-wives do I have?"
Brian Hackett - "I knew, I knew there had to be a reason! Lowell, Lowell, don't you get it? That was obviously Sylvia's husband on the phone. He must've had an affair, right? That's why, that's why she came here: to get even with him by sleeping with Roy."
Lowell Mather - "Yeah. Hello? I don't even know him! Why would he call me?"
- Roy Biggins - "So what you're saying is, she's not interested in me, that I don't mean anything to her. She just wants to get me into bed and use me like some cheap piece of meat?"
Brian Hackett - "Exactly."
Roy Biggins - "I can live with that!"
- Brian Hackett - "The fact is that when one guy sees another guy about to get dumped on, he wants to help him out...even if that guy's you."
- Roy Biggins - "Forget it. I'm not... I'm not in the mood."
Sylvia Biggins - "YOU?"
- Sylvia Biggins - "I'm sorry, Roy. When I found out about him and his secretary, all I could think about was getting even by sleeping with the first guy I could find. I knew that would hurt him."
Roy Biggins - "But why did you pick me?"
Sylvia Biggins - "Cause I knew that would kill him!"
- Roy Biggins - "But some part of you must have... wanted to be here with me. I mean you could've just told your husband that we slept together. You could've just lied to him, Syl."
Sylvia Biggins - "No. He knows me too well. I can't fake things with him the way I could with you."
- Sylvia Biggins - "I was trying to hurt him, not you. Come on. What do you say? Can you help me out? For old times sake?"
Roy Biggins - "Ha! What the hell! What's one more roll in the hay, huh?"
Sylvia Biggins - "Really?"
Roy Biggins - "Nah!... I'm such a tease!"
- Roy Biggins - "Hackett, I wanted her, but I heard this little voice in my head say "Don't do it, don't do it!" Now what the hell was that?"
Brian Hackett - "It's your conscience."
Roy Biggins - "Aw no, no! Oh, this can't be happening. I'm losing my edge here, Hackett!"
- Roy Biggins - "Oh, Hackett, why am I being so stupid? What is wrong with me?"
Brian Hackett - "Well, it's just a guess, but it sounds like you might've experienced a moment of human dignity."
Roy Biggins - "Damn! I was afraid of that!"
- Roy Biggins - "I was so good, I screamed out my own name!"
Trivia[]
- Coming Up