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The Lady Vanishes

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The Lady Vanishes is the twenty-second episode of the seventh season on Wings, and the 144th episode overall in the series.

Synopsis[]

After making an immediate connection with a beautiful woman in the airport, Antonio is interrupted by Joe who needs help moving a filing cabinet in his office a fraction of an inch. When Antonio returned the woman was gone leading him to frantically search for her. Desperate, Antonio placed an ad in the newspaper, conscripted the crew to help, flew to Boston to track down a shoe store, staked out a public park, yelled her name through a bullhorn, and posted flyers all over the island. Unfortunately, Antonio found her just before the police found her and arrested her for embezzling money from Boston Savings and Loans. Meanwhile, Brian teaches Helen how to size up women in the airport for emotional baggage that they might carry.

Credits[]

Main Cast[]

Guest Cast[]

Quotes[]

  • Joe Hackett - "Thanks for helping me move those filing cabinets."
    Fay Cochran - "Foof! Last time I lifted something that heavy it was a husband and it was dead."
  • Brian Hackett - "I can plot an entire relationship just by looking at a woman."
    Helen Hackett - "Oh, please."
    Brian Hackett - "Okay. See that blond talking to Fay?"
    Helen Hackett - "Yeah, what about her?"
    Brian Hackett - "All right, let's see what we got here. Laptop, alligator briefcase, expensive suit, talking to Fay like she's addressing a jury. I'm guessing a high-powered lawyer. Funky little third earring shows why she'd be interest in a long-haired pilot. We sleep together immediately, but the whole thing blows up in a trendy cappuccino bar when she makes a big scene and reveals that she's bulimic."
    Helen Hackett - "Yeah, right. You can predict your entire relationship just by looking at her."
    Fay Cochran - "Uh, Brian, that woman over there says she's a lawyer and she has to be in court in one hour. If you don't get her to Boston on time, she said, and I quote she'll "sue your butt"."
    Helen Hackett - "Okay, but that doesn't mean she'll go out with you."
    Fay Cochran - "Oh, yeah, she also said it's a cute butt and would you like to join her for a cappuccino after jury selection?"
  • Helen Hackett - "Hey Brian, I've been checking out that woman and I think she's perfect for you."
    Brian Hackett - "Uh...never work."
    Helen Hackett - "No, come on. I've been practicing all the things you taught me. Just hear me out."
    Brian Hackett - "All right. Make your case."
    Helen Hackett - "Okay. She's an attractive woman, but not in a high maintenance way, so you both have time to talk about you. Small laugh lines around the eyes; sense of humor. Casual shoulder bag, not a briefcase; so, she's got a job, but she's not obsessed about it. In short, she's Brian Hackett material. Call the caterer, book the hall."
    Brian Hackett - "Ah....You look...But you do not see."
    Helen Hackett - "What? What did I miss?"
    Brian Hackett - "Her jacket. There's a slight discoloration on the left shoulder. What does that tell you?"
    Helen Hackett - "She's got a lousy dry cleaner?"
    Brian Hackett - "No. Look. She's not wearing any jewelry at all. Why?"
    Helen Hackett - "Because she's...cheap? She has not taste and can't accessorize?"
    Brian Hackett - "Who does she fear?"
    Helen Hackett - "A burglar?"
    Brian Hackett - "Think smaller."
    Helen Hackett - "A tiny burglar?"
    Brian Hackett - "Put it all together. Discoloration on the left shoulder, fear of someone pulling off her jewelry..."
    Helen Hackett - "Baby...She's a single mom."
    Brian Hackett - "And therefore..."
    Helen Hackett - "She won't have any time for your needs 'cause we know how selfish you are so you don't want to get involved at all."
    Brian Hackett - "You have learned much, and yet, there is much to learn."
  • Cop - "We have laws against soliciting."
    Joe Hackett - "Oh, no, no, no, Officier, it was nothing like that."
    Antonio Scarpacci - "We were just offering people money to find a woman."
  • Helen Hackett - "Okay, Brian, check her out. Twirling a phantom ring on her finger; recently divorced. Donna Karan suit; took her ex to the cleaners. Frown lines around her eyes; bitter. The next guy that dates her is going to pay. This one's a no-brainer; pass."
    Brian Hackett - "I'm impressed. You no longer need me, you can pick up women on your own. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ask her out."
    Helen Hackett - "Wait! What are you talking about? The clothes, the ring. We agreed she's all wrong for you."
    Brian Hackett - "Who cares? She's beautiful. If I listened to myself, I'd never get any."
  • Vera - "Hey bright-eyes, look alive. You know where I can find an Antonio Scrap-pa-chi?"
    Joe Hackett - "That's Scarpacci. What's this in reference to?"
    Vera - "What are you his social secretary? Just skip the lip and finger him for me."
    Joe Hackett - "Okay, okay. It's that mug over there crying into a cup of java."
    Vera - "Thanks. See ya in the funny papers."
  • Vera - "You want the lowdown on the little dish on skis?"
    Antonio Scarpacci - "You know where I can find Ariel?"
    Joe Hackett - "Not so fast. How do we know this dame's on the level?"
    Vera - "I bunk at the boarding house where she's staying, and when new talent checks in this dish notices."
    Joe Hackett - "How do we know she's the real goods? ANd why am I talkin' this way?"
    Vera - "There ain't nothing wrong with these blinkers. It's here alright."
    Joe Hackett - "Okay, okay, then make with the address."
    Vera - "Not until I see some scratch."
    Joe Hackett - "Oh, so that's your angle."
    Antonio Scarpacci - "You two stop doing that!"
  • Antonio Scarpacci - "I don't care how long they send you away for. I'll wait!"
    Ariel Reed - "Don't worry. When I get out, I'll find you."

Trivia[]

  • The title of this episode is a reference to The Lady Vanishes, a 1938 British mystery thriller film directed by Alfred Hitchcock.
  • When Antonio says "Hey, let's be careful out there", it is a homage to the TV series Hill Street Blues (1981).
  • When the cop comments that "She's got kind of a big face for her body" after examining the caricature drawing of Ariel, Antonio comments "It's a theme in my life" referring to his on-again-off-again relationship with Edna (The Big Faced Girl).

Gallery[]

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